(From the writing prompt of "Panic ensues amongst vegans when Mother Nature declares war on them for only targeting her children for consumption.", a short story of that theme.
A humorous and not at all serious look on the world if Mother Nature did indeed attack only Vegans.
Can also be found here on my Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/145917610-vegannihilation )
"Shh, quiet men! I hear something"
"Um, actually some of us are women in this unit and I'll have you knoAAAARGH!" she was cut short as a thick vine lashed out and wrapped around her slim waist, lifting her into the air and tossing her away like a piece of litter. Before her body even hit the floor, several more vines shot up and started thrashing fiercely where the rest of the squad lay hidden.
"Open fire!" yelled the commander, a burst of fire erupting from the end of his machine-gun. The vines shredded into pieces, emitting a horrific shrieking sound as the bullets tore through them. After but a few moments the tattered green limbs shrank back, and silence resumed. The commander, panting, flicked up the visor of his helmet and wiped his brow.
"Well done team. Now, we need to-" he turned and paused, the sight shocking him. His whole team was...
Texting.
"What's going on here?" he could barely contain his anger. Their helmets were off, guns laid untouched on the ground and each one had a phone in their hand.
"Um" began the closest 'solider', a young man sporting a finely trimmed beard and a top-knot. "We don't take orders from you." He scoffed and rolled his eyes, continuing to mess with his phone.
"Yes you do. I'm your commander!"
A woman scoffed in a similar manner.
"Um, sweetie," she began, her voice ripe with belittlement, "you can't order any of us around. You're a murderer."
The commander took a step backwards, visibly shocked.
"I... I've done things in my time in the army... things you may never understand. But I am no murderer! I am no murder-"
He was interrupted as the woman held up a pristine finger.
"Yes you are." She raised a curved, thin eyebrow, "You're a meat eater. Ergo, murderer."
"Murderer." repeated the team in eerie unison.
The commander removed his helmet, tossing it to the floor along with his weapon. He marched straight up to the woman and stared at her hard.
"You must be joking." He practically spat in her nonplussed face. "I'm trying to save your lives here!"
"We didn't ask to be saved." chimed in another young man, who was currently trying to adjust the brightly coloured scarf wrapped around his neck. It kept getting caught in the straps of the bulletproof vest he had on. Sighing in annoyance, he started unstrapping the armour.
"No wait, don't take that off!" yelled the commander, reaching out towards him, but it was too late. As soon as the armour had been removed, a tendril burst from the ground and pierced straight through his chest. It hit him with such force that his glasses fell to the concrete floor, but luckily did not break since they had no lenses. The commander leaped forwards, drawing a combat-knife from his belt and striking down at the greenery. A clean hack sliced it in two, the stub disappearing with a wail back to where it came from. The man fell forward, the commander catching him on the way down though he knew it was too late.
"Damn fool. This is what happens!" he yelled to the others, "This is what happens when you don't follow orders!"
There was no response. He looked between the survivors, each one not in the slightest bit concerned with the immediate death of one of their colleagues. He lay down the body and slowly closed their eyes, before straightening up and sheathing his knife.
"I need you all to understand. I need you all to take this seriously! Don't you realise what's happening here? We are at war! A war that we are currently losing, because of people like you! Not just that you are utterly incompetent, but that our enemies blame you!"
He spun around, swiftly drawing a holstered pistol and firing a few rounds into a sneaking vine. He turned back around.
"We need to find a permanent solution, and since we cannot communicate with our enemy, we must fight!"
The bearded man finally put away his phone and looked at the commander with a disgustingly smug look.
"Look, I don't know who you think you are-"
"THE MAN TRYING TO SAVE YOU!"
"Whatever. We didn't start this, it was clearly something you murderers did. Funny how they only attack when you're around, hm?"
There was a murmur of agreement. The commander clenched his fists, before releasing them with a sigh.
"You know what. You know what?" he removed his helmet and started unclipping his body armour, "Let's do a little test shall we?" Stepping out from the rubble, he strode confidently out into the open. Lifting his arms up, he yelled "Come and get me!"
There was a pause. His team watched, mildly curious. The commander looked about at the ruined city. Not a single vine was stirring. He began to laugh, its sound echoing down the roads and reverberating around the empty buildings.
"See! Looks like I'm safe-"
A titanic foot crashed behind him, interrupting his small moment of victory. Frozen to the spot, all he could do was to crane his neck up. While the sight was not wholly unpleasant, it was terrifying in every sense of the word. It was a huge green woman, standing hundreds of feet tall and wrapped strategically in all manner of leaves, branches and flowers. She gazed down at the poor commander with huge amber eyes.
"Are you my enemy?" she boomed, the ground shaking viciously from the soundwaves, along with the commander. He gulped, doing everything he could to retain his composure.
"I...I... I am-" he barely manged to get the stuttered words out before the giant crouched down, bringing her massive face in front of him.
"You're pretty." The commander babbled, overcome with a delusional dread. The green woman smiled, looking the commander up and down.
"Well, duh." She said.
"You're... you're her? Aren't you?" he gulped, "Mother Nature?"
"Um, excuse me" chimed in the bearded man "How dare you assume her gendeAAAARGH!" he was now lying in two pieces, two sharp vines retracting to their hiding spots once again.
"I am." nodded Mother Nature, ignoring the evisceration.
"Are you here to kill me?" whimpered the commander. There was a long pause. She narrowed her eyes and gave him a cold, hard stare. After what seemed an age, she spoke again.
"No."
The wave of relief spread through the commander from head to toe.
"You are not my enemy" she continued "They are." She shifted her head to the side, now fixing her gaze on the remaining team. "You are not like them. You have not solely targeted my kin. You have not tried to brainwash the rest of your kind to join their murderous cult. For that, I am thankful. Here." She reached around with a massive hand to behind her and returned with a small round object. She placed it in the commander's hands. It was a cheeseburger.
"No lettuce, of course." Mother Nature winked then rose back up to her full height. Stretching out her arm, the ground below the remnants of the team exploded with thrashing vines, snapping green jaws and spinning sharp leaves. They barely had time to Instagram the event before they all dropped dead. Mother Nature turned and examined the rest of the city. She called out over the rooves, "Now, can I take your orders?"
There was a slight pause, before a round of voices suddenly emerged from down the street
"I'm a vegan, so you probably don't have anything I can eat. You really should get some vegan options."
"Don't worry, I brought my own hummus."
"First off, how dare you assume I want to order now? Second-"
Mother Nature chuckled to herself.
"Oh, this is so easy."
She stomped down the road towards the voices, practically skipping.